” Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.”- Tony Robbins
I hadn’t spoken to my family since my mother died in December 2019.
Shortly after her passing, I found myself living in a hotel for over eight months.
I lost everything and for the first time in my life I needed help.
My mother was the only one I could ever truly count on, and now she is gone.
My father and siblings, refused to help me, I felt humiliated, I was consumed with anger, resentment, pain, despair and disappointment and all these emotions were slowly eating away at my spirit.
I swore that I would never seek out my family, I wanted no part of them.
I swore to myself that I will never allow myself to need anyone.
The most important lesson I learned was that I will first take care of my home, before I will take care of anyone else.
I lost a mother that year, but my children lost a grandmother, grandfather, aunts and cousins.
One day I woke up to a note under my door with the following quote by Debasish Mridha that read, “Forgive the past and let it go with great gratitude. It will allow us to embrace the present and future with love, enthusiasm and passion.”
To this day I don’t know who placed it there but I smile as I realize that I have been blessed with a family of great teachers.
So, I sat down in front of that mirror and I began to contemplate on what only I had control over.
I decided I had to take accountability for my actions in the hard lessons, I had endured in life.
I studied all the scars these lessons left behind; all those deep stress and worry wrinkles I had earned.
I realized that in order to heal, I need to start by accepting the gift that I was given.
The act of forgiveness is the gift to myself.
Before I can heal myself or any other relationships.
I had to start by forgiving myself.
Every day I taught myself to practice forgiveness and self-love.
I began to write, sing, play guitar, allow myself to grow as an individual, allow myself to laugh and fall in love, and allow myself to trust.
My children and I deserve peace, happiness and joy.
I deserve to live life to its fullest creating beautiful memories with my children.
Because back in December 2019, I also learned that tomorrow isn’t promised.
Earlier last week, life put my capacity to forgive to the test.
I got a call that my father had a heart attack.
I called my uncle and he put me in contact with my siblings and in less than 12 hours we were on a plane together to Mexico.
Unconditional love doesn’t require an “I am sorry” or a “I forgive you.”
Actions speak louder than words, we are united, supporting each other and supporting my father while he is in hospice.
The act of forgiveness is what will heal the world; it’s our guiding light in a world full of such darkness.
